26 Jan

I looked up at the sky tonight, and I saw the stars shine. They twinkled and entwined with the dark of the night. I started to smile… But then I remembered, you are gone, so how dare I smile.

In the moments I forget to feel the pain, like a lost being in the night, the shadow you left taps me on my shoulder. I am reminded I live in a hollow world that can no longer be light. Even during the hours of the sun at its high, I can’t help but see only darkness in the sky.

She is gone, but the stars still shine. How do they not shatter then fall?

She is gone, but the sun still rises. How could it still burn with fire when the tears drown all the Earths oceans?

She is gone, but why?

In the moments you least suspect it, when you are laughing, smiling, or enjoying your time, the sharp claws of grief scrape down your spine, reminding you that you are here, and they are not.

Should I continue to laugh when it’s a joke she would have laughed at too? Am I laughing for the both of us, or am I simply selfish?

I do not know how to feel. I do not know how to heal.

For the one person I would seek for these answers is hidden among the sorrow-filled starry night.

I beg you to come back to me and help me see through the skies. But they won’t let you go, for it is a one-way ticket too far from the shores.

I always knew I relied on you, but I didn’t know you were my breath and heartbeat. Now, yours are no longer found, so here I am without your sound.

In those last moments, I whispered in your ear that I would be okay. Every day I try to keep those words true, but when the stars shine, I am astray.

Sorrow-filled starry night, Nichole G. Webster.

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